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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22780867">What Goes Around</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/actually_its_cady/pseuds/actually_its_cady'>actually_its_cady</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Jagged Little Pill - Morissette &amp; Ballard/Morissette/Cody</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:01:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,419</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22780867</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/actually_its_cady/pseuds/actually_its_cady</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>MJ wakes up after her overdose, Steve by her side.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mary Jane "MJ" Healy/Steve Healy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Goes Around</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW for panic attack/ brief mention of needles</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve sat on the edge of his chair next to MJ’s bed, resting his chin on his hand as he watched MJ sleep. She was still sedated, but the doctors had told him she could wake up at any time. </p><p>And so he was waiting.</p><p>MJ looked so small. Steve had never seen her look so small before. MJ had always been larger than life, someone whose personality filled up an entire room. </p><p>But now she was so small and pale and she had all these tubes coming out of her, and Steve barely recognized her. Of course, she was still MJ, but… Steve had never, in their nearly 25 years together, thought they would be in this position. </p><p>But then again, Steve guessed there was a lot he didn’t know about MJ. He knew she had been acting kind of weird lately, but he didn’t know why, and when he tried to ask about it, she freaked at him. So he just let it go, assuming MJ would be back to normal in a few days.</p><p>So he thought.</p><p>It was late now, almost midnight, but Steve couldn’t sleep, even though the nurses had brought a cot to MJ’s room. Steve just sat in that chair, stared at MJ, and willed her to wake up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>MJ’s eyes had never felt so heavy. She knew she was awake, kind of, but she couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes. The bed she was on felt unfamiliar, as did the material of the clothes she was wearing.</p><p>And her body… hurt. Not anywhere particular, just kind of everywhere. She could vaguely hear noise, but couldn’t open her eyes to see where it was coming from.</p><p>She was just so tired.</p><p>But at the same time, she was getting scared. She felt like she couldn’t wake up, and she didn’t know where she was. And she was sore.</p><p>What if… what if something had happened?</p><p>Something bad?</p><p>The last time MJ could remember feeling like this was after that night in college.</p><p>It must have happened again, she thought. </p><p>With that thought, MJ felt the panic start to rise in her belly as she tried to force her eyes open. Wherever she was, it was bright, and she couldn’t make out anything besides some big shapes. Everything was blurred together, blending into one hazy picture. She still had no clue where she was, and her limited vision wasn’t helping matters. All she knew was that something bad had happened, and she needed to get out.</p><p> </p><p>Steve woke to shifting noises from MJ’s bed. As hard as he had tried to stay awake, he had dozed off next to MJ’s bed. As he focused his attention on MJ, he saw that she was almost writhing under the covers, clearly distressed. The beeping of the heart rate monitor got faster as she moved more violently, and Steve didn’t know what to do.</p><p>“MJ” he whispered, placing a hand to her forehead and pushing the hair out of her face. “Mary Jane, honey, can you hear me?”</p><p>MJ continued to shift uncomfortably, but her movements slowed a little as Steve continued to run his hand through her hair. </p><p>Suddenly, she shot straight up, breathing so fast she was practically hyperventilating. Her eyes shot around the room, clearly unsure of her whereabouts. Steve jumped back in his seat, startled by her sudden movement.  Her heart monitor was beeping even faster now, and he could see that her oxygen saturation was dropping. </p><p>He cautiously placed a hand on her leg and said quietly, “MJ, honey, you’re okay. </p><p>MJ jumped back at his touch, pressing herself against the pillows, as if she was trying to get herself as far away from her husband as possible. </p><p>Steve was shocked. He had never seen MJ like this. She was always the one who had it together. She wasn’t supposed to be scared, or crying. She was just supposed to be MJ, the woman who Steve had met and immediately fallen for, even if she didn’t reciprocate the feelings right away. Until the last few months, it had always been MJ and Steve against the world, but now, Steve thought to himself, it was MJ against Steve. She had never recoiled from him like that- even if he tried to initiate something that MJ didn’t want, she would just roll over and act like he wasn’t there. She had never been scared like this, and Steve didn’t know what to do.</p><p>“Mary Jane, sweetheart, you’re okay. You’re okay” Steve said gently, slowly moving to sit on the edge of the hospital bed. “You’re alright, you’re okay”. </p><p>He didn’t know if he was saying it for MJ, or for himself.</p><p>MJ looked at Steve like she didn’t recognize him. Her eyes darted around the room as her mouth went dry and her breathing became even more rapid.</p><p>“MJ,” Steve tried again. “MJ, honey, look at me. I’m right here, honey, you’re okay”.</p><p>MJ forced herself to look at Steve, who appeared calm and level on the outside despite his own internal panic. They locked eyes, but as hard as MJ tried, she couldn’t slow down enough to tell him what was happening. She wanted to tell him that something had happened to her, something bad, even though she promised herself she wouldn’t let someone take advantage of her again. Because that’s why she was in the hospital, right? Why her body ached and she felt hungover. Someone must have found her and brought her in, and now Steve was here and he would hate her and-</p><p>Her internal monologue was interrupted by a doctor coming into the room.</p><p>“Mrs. Healy, I need you to slow down. You're safe, you’re at the hospital. Do you remember what happened?” he asked.</p><p>MJ tried to focus enough to try and remember what happened, but she couldn’t.</p><p>“No” she gasped quietly. </p><p>“You overdosed on opioids, but you’re going to be fine. Do you understand?” </p><p>And then it all came crashing back. Bella, the drug dealer, the stress, the extra few pills she had taken in an attempt to keep her sanity. </p><p>“Mrs. Healy, if you can’t calm down, we’re going to have to sedate you again” the doctor said. </p><p>Steve whipped his head around to look at the doctor. “Is that really necessary?” he asked.</p><p>“Her body has already been through significant trauma, she’s too weak to continue to be in this state,” the doctor responded.</p><p>Steve turned back to MJ, forcing eye contact and saying “MJ, sweetheart, you have to slow your breathing”.</p><p>But MJ was too far into her panic to see the other side. She had almost died. She had, essentially, almost killed herself today. Steve looked scared, she didn’t know where the kids were, and it was all her fault.</p><p>The doctor looked at Steve and gestured for him to move so he could get to MJ. Quickly, he stuck a needle in her arm and depressed the plunger before stepping back and allowing the drug to work its way through MJ’s system.</p><p>“I’ll be back in a few moments, but she’ll be asleep” he said quietly to Steve.</p><p>Steve watched the doctor exit the room and turned his attention back to MJ, whose breathing had already begun to slow. He could tell she was having a hard time keeping her eyes open, so he reached for her hand and held it gently, tracing circle on it with his thumb.</p><p>“It’s okay, Mary Jane. Just go to sleep” he whispered.</p><p>Within minutes, MJ was out, breathing slowly and deeply. Carefully, avoiding the wires and tubes, he laid in the tiny space at MJ’s side, wrapping his arm over her head and smoothing her hair. He studied her face, his own creased with worry. He had never seen MJ like this. Sure, she had been sick before, and there was that time they got stuck in a hotel elevator and she was a little panicked, but he had never seen her so terrified in their 25 years together. He knew he could help her, he just didn’t know how. She had never needed help before, for anything, but now it was clear that she was going to need constant support as they worked through this.</p><p>But, Steve decided to himself, that can be a tomorrow problem. For now, he curled up into MJ’s side and fell asleep, knowing that he would be there for her as soon as she woke up again.</p>
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